New year's eve

It is new year's eve in Asia and we can't help to look back what this year had brought us. It has been quite a ride with all the ups and downs. Nothing has come close to the experience of parenthood. We feel so blessed in this journey. Although we know it won't be easy raising two little ones, we can't wait to take on the challenge and grow with them.

S text sums up our journey well so we just borrow what she said to conclude the year of 2014.

"I think we all got really lucky in this adventure... :-) and the girls are gonna get the best end of the deal!!"

Happy New Year to everyone and to our little baby girls. Daddy and papa love you to the moon and back.

24 weeks!

Here comes 24 weeks! Each new week is additional assurance that our dream of being daddy and papa will eventually come true. At the moment, we are traveling in Asia for the holidays and this post comes from Siem Reap, Cambodia. The fun part of expecting babies is to prepare for their arrival. Our traveling activitity has been consumed by shopping for our girls. We love to get them stuff from all over the world if possible. For the first time in our lives, we bought two dresses. :-)

S told us that our daughters like cheesecake with raspberry topping. She had one piece and they were allready bouncing off the wall of her belly. Just like daddy, like daughters.

 

Happy holidays!!

Since "S" passed this photo to us, it just stuck on our mind. It is such an emotional and powerful image. Link to an article

Below is a video of their beautiful family.

This is a moment for many parents, especially for those going through surrogacy. Pregnancy is a lot of things. It is the gift of life. It is a miracle. It is exciting…to create a life. To carry that life for nine months. To nurture it. To feel it grow. It is incredible.

It is also horrifying. It is dramatic. It is bizarre. Things happen…strange things. Not nice things. Things you don’t expect. Things no one warns you about with 9 months of constant worry and it is only the beginning.

Happy holidays and we wish all of you a New Year filled with peace, happiness, health and prosperity. We know ours will be with two little miracles on the way. 

23 weeks

It's 23 weeks today. We are visiting S and the twins this weekend for pre-birth order hearing and ultrasound. The judge enthusiastically granted our petition and signed the order yesterday. We are now the legal parents of our twins and very excited to reach another milestone. In the afternoon, we got to see the babies. Each now weighs about 1 pound and couldn't look more beautiful.

Spending time with S and her family is always wonderful. We are so grateful for what they have done for us. 2014 is almost ending. It is a year filled with memories that we will never forget and there are so much to look forward to in 2015.

Sex of our twins :-)

Here we go. We couldn't be more excited and thanks for your patience!!

(Click the photo to reveal the sex)

22 weeks

We had 21-week appointment yesterday. Everything was fine. "S" belly bump was actually measured at 34 weeks. Twin pregnancy always measures ahead. It is good to know that babies are growing. We haven't seen her for a few weeks and definitely will notice a big change when we see her next Friday. 

22-week is here. It is an exciting week because we have our pre-birth order hearing scheduled on December 19 and an appointment with maternal-fetal medicine doctor on the same day. We can't wait to see all of them again!

Babies are now the size of a papaya (one of my favorite fruits). They measure about 11 inches from head to heel and weigh about 1 pound!! They start to look like a miniature newborn. Lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and they are developing tiny tooth buds beneath their gums. "S" told us that babies are very active and one of them like to kick! Just hope they all get along. 

Tomorrow we will reveal twins' sex to our friends. Based on the poll with 26 votes, girl & boy 14 (53%), two girls 5 (19%), two boys 7 (26%). 

We went to check out car seats and strollers last week and visited Babies'Rus for the first time. We had a lot of fun in the store. Here is the video of test driving the stroller with two infant car seats. I think this is going to be our view in the next two years or so. The video is pretty meditating so have a look. 

21 weeks

21 weeks and 133 days to go!! Twins should measure around 10.5 inches from head to heel. At this point, they weigh around 10.5 ounces. Their digestive system has developed enough to start absorbing water and small amount of sugar from amniotic fluid that they swallow. They are also developing visible eyebrows, eyelashes and hair on the scalp. In case you are wondering, the twins are a size of carrot. :-) 

We received the affidavits from our attorney yesterday for the pre-birth order hearing scheduled on December 19. The hearing is to legally establish our parental rights for the twins. Once we have the court order, we will be the legal parents and it will be another major step forward. 

Time is going by so fast. Baby stuff also has started accumulating fast. 

Second ultrasound

August 27 was the second ultrasound. Embryos were 6 weeks and 4 days. We couldn't attend the appointment but did Skype with S. For the first time, we heard babies' heartbeats. It was incredible to hear that and see their hearts flickering. Baby A (on the right) measured 6 weeks 1 day with heartbeats of 118 and Baby B (on the left) measured 6 weeks 3 days with heartbeats of 130. So far, we have had six ultrasound with lots of ultrasound photos and we are amazed to see how both little blobs turning into human form over time.

Finally, we have caught up with what has happened until now. Here is the post of all the milestones so far. Counting down 21 days till Xmas and 135 days till babies are here!!

20 years today!

20 is the number this week. Not only it is the 20th week of our pregnancy but also marks the 20th year that hubby and I have been together! We probably could make the Guinness record to be parents after being in a 20-year relationship. Only surrogacy could make this possible.

It is going to be another chapter of our life with kids on board. We look forward to another 20 years and more! We were so excited to decorate the Xmas tree this year because our babies are on their way. Each new day is another day closer to have them home!

 

20 weeks

Happy Thanksgiving. It's 20th week and how fitting it falls right on the Thanksgiving weekend. We are very thankful for what S and her family have given us and and feel blessed to have received so much love and support from friends and family.

Those two little miracles are growing under S's care and are already loved by many. She said they are very active lately and felt baby B outside of her belly for the first time. It is getting exciting day by day.

We are visiting Vienna this weekend and could not resist to buy them some souvenirs from abroad. Also, Aunt Sissi so excitedly gave the babies a pair of penguins. She is well equipped with all the toys that the kids will be spoiled. 

19 weeks

Time has gone by so fast. It is 19 weeks of pregnancy and we are half way through.

Babies' sensory development is exploding! Their brains are designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that they may be able to hear voice now. We already have our recordings of stories and songs so "S" could play to the babies.

They weigh about 8.5 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom, about the size of an heirloom tomato. Arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of their bodies now. Their kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on their scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on the skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

A video of 19 weeks pregnancy

15 to 20 weeks pregnancy

First ultrasound

Following confirmation of pregnancy, we were scheduled to have the first ultrasound on August 20. The gestational age of embryos was 5 weeks 4 days.

At this early stage, not much could be seen by ultrasound but only to find out if both embryos stuck. 

It was very exciting to see the ultrasound via Skype. Because pregnancy had been confirmed, we expected there would be at least one gestational sac. The first sac was found right away and appeared on the screen and was measured well. The tech called it Baby A because it was closer to the cervix. The second sac was not seen right away so we thought maybe only one stuck. After some more checking, the second sac was found and also measured well. And it was Baby B. We were ecstatic and felt so blessed that two little miracles had found home. 

We only hope they continue to grow and grow strong through the first trimester, and all the way until they are born. 

Pregnancy confirmed!

Time flew as we quickly approach half way of the pregnancy. So far it has been an incredible journey and adventure. Here is another surprise from "S"!

After we transferred our embryos on July 31, our clinic had scheduled a blood test on August 11 to confirm pregnancy. Counting down the days to the moment of truth was tough, especially after we knew we had no frozen embryo to try again. Even though we tried to stay optimistic, there were many moments of "what if transfer has failed." We discussed this and decided it was best not to even think about it. If transfer failed, we would then think about it and go from there.

August 8 at 11:54 am - our phone rang. Caller ID showed it was from our clinic. Immediately we were concerned if something went wrong because the last few phone calls had not been good news and we weren't expecting any news until August 11. Upon answering, it was the nurse. She congratulated us right away on our pregnancy. It took us a moment to realize what had just happened. We were ecstatic with tears and relieved. A heavy weight on our shoulders had been lifted and our dream could possibly come true. The reality hadn't set in and "S" called us a few minutes later. We really wish that it was her who broke the news to us because none of these could be possible without her. Not only did she do everything she could to help but also spare us an agonizing weekend. 

It turns out that she started home pregnancy test three days after transfer. It was negative. Day 4 came positive so did day 5. It must have been very hard for her to contain all the excitement because we had told her our preference to wait for the blood test. Because the home pregnancy test seemed to be conclusive, she contacted the clinic to do the blood test earlier and we got an early positive pregnancy result. A second blood test a few days later showed her hcg level went up nicely. 

Thinking back, there were signs telling us that she was pregnant. We would text her and check how she was feeling. She mentioned twinges she had experienced - one of the early pregnancy signs which we had learned. 

With pregnancy confirmed, we had to wait two weeks later at the first ultrasound and find out if both embryos stuck. 

18 weeks:)

18 weeks today!! A twin pregnancy is considered full term at 37 weeks so we are almost half way through. Yoohoo!! This blog also passes 1000 views! Thanks so much for following our journey. 

Babies are the size of a bell pepper measured 5-6 inches long from crown to rump and weigh about 5.3 ounces. Their ears are approaching their final position and eyes are also beginning to face forward. The retinas may be able to detect light. 

Bones will continue to harden and the pads for their fingers and toes will form.  

Later today, we are heading to babies' grandparents house to reveal their sex. Grandparents are already very anxious to know. It is gonna be a fun and exciting day. Cake, balloons, and presents are all ready! 

17 weeks and ultrasound

It is 17 weeks. Baby's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord — the lifeline to the placenta — is growing stronger and thicker. Babies weigh about 5 ounces now (size of an onion), and are around 5 inches long from head to bottom. They can move their joints, and sweat glands are starting to develop.

We had an anatomy scan yesterday. Babies were measured from crown to rump (and what a cute rump it is!), around their middle, and around their head. The four chambers of the heart were viewed, as well as the kidneys, bladder, stomach, brain, spine, and sex organs. It is pretty evident to us what both babies are. :-)

Ultrasound shows both are measured well and they look great. What miracles they are!! We could not be happier and excited. Almost half way through. "S" belly bump is becoming noticeable. 

Baby A heartbeat

Baby B heartbeat

It is very interesting to see they interacted with each other

Happy birthday, Daddy!

Today is your daddy's birthday. We celebrated his birthday when you were all here last Sunday. Daddy was showered with goodies plus a cake that he could not resist. Papa got him a t-shirt and I helped you two pick something for him, a mug to enjoy his coffee and a book to read to you. There were cards from "S," her boys and you guys too!

It was one of his happiest and best birthday. Happy Birthday, Daddy! We love you!

Babies' sex

We got a BIG surprise last Thursday. We thought we probably could find out about babies' sex at our next ultrasound on November 10 but "S" and her husband planned a sex reveal on their way to our house. We certainly didn't see that coming. While we were sitting at the dinner table chatting late in the evening, they said they got presents for us - two big boxes and two small boxes wrapped beautifully with baby footprints and ribbons. 

We were really touched by their thoughtfulness. They told us to first open two bigger boxes - each contained a beautiful glass mug engraved with "Papa" for me and "Daddy" for DH. Then, they said two smaller boxes were gifts for the babies. "They are lucky babies and already getting their presents," I said as DH and I unwrapped the boxes with excitement and curiosity. DH got his open first and took out a gorgeous silver rattle with one of the babies' names engraved on the side plate. (We already had our names picked in rank order for boys and girls). "XYZ," DH read the name he got. I opened mine, another gorgeous silver rattle with another name and it was "ABC." As I was thinking that maybe each side of the rattle had different names, DH burst out "we've got ______?" I sat there feeling totally surprised and didn't react soon enough. There were already lots of hugging with excitement and congratulations. Right there, we were surprised with babies' sex. We are super excited!! Whatever their sex is, we had already prepared ourselves and love them regardless of anything. Knowing their sex makes the whole thing even more real.     

We also received a lovely card with ultrasound photos. It turned out "S" went for an ultrasound the day coming to our house and wanted to give us a big surprise. How exciting to finally have names for the babies - instead of Baby A and Baby B. DH was joking that we can now start shopping!!

"S," thank you so much for such wonderful gifts for our family. The photo on top showing the gorgeous presents we received. I have blurred babies' names. Below are ultrasound photos. Their wee-wee or hoo-ha is covered. ;-) 

For now, we are going to keep the babies' sex to ourselves but we promise it will be revealed soon. While you are eagerly waiting, there is a poll on the right side of the blog for you to guess. 

As this post is written, "1 boy and 1 girl" has 10 votes, "2 girls" has 2 votes and "2 boys" has 4 votes. 

Did babies' heartbeat rate confirm the sex? Did "S" dream of 1 girl and 1 boy come true?

Stay tune!

16 weeks

You guys are home this week with "S" and her family. We are so happy to have you home and to spend the first Halloween together. You were in your first costume and we were one "skeleton" family. We had a lot of fun and it was one memorable Halloween. "S" and her husband gave us a huge surprise and they got us all a very special present. "S," thank you all very much for such thoughtfulness.

Right now, you are about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. Your legs are much more developed, head is more erect than it has been, and your eyes have moved closer to the front of head. Your ears are close to their final position, too. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, your heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as you continue to develop.

Next week we are going to have an ultrasound. Papa and daddy can't wait to see you guys again.

 

Embryo Transfer!

On July 31, we were scheduled for embryo transfer. We were very excited to finally reach this milestone and to see "S" and her family again after 5 months of getting everything ready. They drove to our home a few days before transfer so we could spend some time together which is always awesome.

On day 5, the embryo would develop into blastocyst. Transfer usually takes place on day 5 because this is when the embryo travels from fallopian tubes to the uterus. With adequate uterus lining, the embryo is likely to be implanted. We had planned to transfer two embryos, one from each of us but we wouldn't know if it was going to happen until the day of transfer.

Early in the morning on transfer day, our RE called and told us that we each had a good quality embryo to be transferred, one was already a blastocyst and the other could catch up in a few hours. It was great news to start the day. We had a relaxing morning at home before heading to the clinic around noon. As usual, "S" got her protocol for transfer and she was required to have a full bladder!!

Nothing felt like getting ready for transfer. We were excited and anxious at the same time. All the hard works eventually came down to this moment. "S" got her lucky charms and socks. We learned that actually there are rituals for transfer day - lucky socks being one of them and we got her lucky charms. We needed every piece of luck we could get.

After checking in at the clinic, "S" went in first to get herself ready. A few moments later, DH and I were called to go in. We put on surgical gown, hair net and shoe covers, then entered the transfer room that was dimmed with calming music in the background. "S" was all ready and laying on the transfer table. The embryologist first verified our identify to make sure the embryos transferred were ours. Then the doctor came in to perform the procedure and explained it to us along the way. Upon the order of the doctor, the embryos were loaded to the transfer catheter and started their incredible journey. The catheter containing the embryos and a small amount of fluid was passed through cervix into uterus, where the embryos were placed. Through the use of ultrasound, we were actually able to see the two embryos leave the tube as they were transferred. They looked like little orbs of light; like shooting stars as they were deposited into "S" uterus. The clinic had everything blown up on the TV screen as the embryos were being loaded. It was pretty amazing to witness the procedure. Considering all the months of preps leading to the moment, the entire procedure took only about 10 minutes!! It was quick and painless without sedation. 

We were excited to see the embryos for the first time, so small like the tip of a pen even on the big monitor. 

After transfer was complete, we gave each other a hug and took some "family" portraits. "S" was then moved to a recovery area and her husband came to join her. We were given photos of the embryos and ultrasound. One embryo was a decent blastocyst already hatching and the other one was a little behind assisted with hatching. We were joking how each fit our personality. One is always in a hurry and the other just takes his time.   

On day 5, both embryos were already loved by many and had their photos taken as cells. It was a surreal feeling that we just made babies and part of our being was created. It is truly a miracle to see both of them develop over time - hundred of thousand times bigger.

After transfer, "S" was required to rest. We headed back home and celebrated this special moment with BBQ in our patio, with two additional little ones in "S" belly.

Next day the clinic informed us that none of our remaining embryos was viable to be frozen. It was hard to believe that they were growing for a few days and suddenly just stopped. There was no explanation and we didn't know why we lost them. Was it the quality of egg or sperm or combination of both? Was it the lab condition? It was a huge blow and hard to swallow. It made us worried even more if the two transferred would stick. We were extremely sad, disappointed, and confused, knowing we only got one shot.

"S" told us to stay positive and said "we are pregnant until we are proven otherwise." In fact, all we needed was two if we were lucky. The two best ones were now in "S". It was out of our control and we could only cross everything and hope the two embryos stuck (or even just one!). With the embryos being transfer, the waiting game begun. We had to wait until pregnancy blood test scheduled on August 11. As much as we were really anxious to know the outcome, we told "S" that we didn't want to know if she did the pregnancy test at home and preferred to wait for the blood test to confirm. Peeing on a stick test usually would show pregnancy on day 5 after transfer. Given there might be a possibility of false positive, we wanted to wait for a confirmatory blood test. The waiting period was tough. It is funny how time seems to slow down when you are eagerly waiting for something.

15 weeks!

You guys now measure roughly 4 inches, crown to rump and weights in at approximately 2.5 ounces (about the size of an APPLE). You are busy moving amniotic fluid through the nose and upper respiratory tract. Your legs are growing larger than your arms now and you can move all those tiny joints and limbs. Although your eyelids are still shut, you can sense light already. 

"S" said that she could feel your movement more often now. Please don't party too much, ok? In a few days, you will be coming home with "S" and her family for the Halloween weekend. We can't wait to see you guys and have you home in a few days.  

Daddy and Papa have been thinking what kind of costume you will like. Something like these maybe? 

 

15-week fetal development video

Fresh embryo cycle and egg retrieval

After S's uterus lining was adequate and the egg donor was on board, we were ready for the real deal and the clinic started preparing everyone for the transfer cycle. The clinic synced the cycles of the egg donor and "S". It was a very stressful period for everyone.

"S" had a busy protocol to follow with pills, injections, blood work and ultrasound appointments. The donor had her first ultrasound and blood work on July 10 and started her cycle medications on the 12th. If all went well, the egg retrieval would be estimated around July 22. The donor was monitored every other day during her cycle. Since she was not a proven donor (her first donation), no one knew how well she would respond to the meds. We would get an email update on every monitoring for "S" and the donor and just hope every check was a good one. 

Things were moving along for a few days until we got a call from RE that the expected number of eggs might not be ideal, probably about 8 eggs. Given that we were splitting the number of eggs for two dads, it significantly reduced our chances. With 8, we each could only have 4. It could be possible that not all would be viable and fertilized and not all fertilized would make it to day 5 for transfer. The RE suggested that we gave the donor a few more days so July 22 for retrieval was not gonna happen. At the same time, "S" was on a holding pattern. If everything went well, we would be given about one week advance notice for embryo transfer. 

Nothing was certain until eggs were retrieved and fertilized. All kinds of "what-if" ran through our heads at this point. We were preparing ourselves for the worst and hoping for the best which has been our motto for surrogacy. If the donor didn't respond well to the meds and could not produce an ideal number of eggs, we would have to cancel the cycle and start all over again or choose a new donor. If we had to start over again, how much would it cost and how much delay would it be? In a hindsight, it is probably better and less stressful to have frozen embryos first and then do the transfer as soon as the surrogate was ready. 

On July 21, we got another update on the donor and we could possibly get more eggs. We decided to move forward for the retrieval scheduled on July 26 and 5 days later for embryo transfer on July 31. After all, 13 eggs were retrieved with 12 being mature so we each got 6 fertilized. A day later, the clinic informed us that I had 4 embryos ongoing and DH had 5 ongoing. Those 9 just kept going until day 5 for transfer. We were relieved to have a workable number with potential of getting some frozen embryos and were very excited to see "S" and her family again for the transfer. It was a huge step forward and finally it was happening.

We may never know the identity of our egg donor and get an opportunity to personally thank her. In her profile, she gave a message to the egg recipient - "I wish you the best." Thank you, ED. We also wish her the best! Maybe our paths will cross one day. 

Thank you...S.

Exactly a year ago, "S" responded to our ad when we were searching for a surrogate. Her email came and gave us hope. And who would have thought that a year later she is carrying two most precious gifts one could ever dream of?

We are deeply grateful for all she has done for us so far and for all the support her family has given her. There is not a day goes by that we don't think of her and appreciate her kindness and generosity. Our thanks will never be enough.

"Surrogacy is a.....

Spectacular journey
Unreal to most
Resulting in and
Reminding us
Of the
Greatest gift
A person
Can ever give or receive
Yielding in amazing beauty." 

"S" - somewhere over the rainbow, we found each other and this song is for you. Enjoy!

14 weeks - start of 2nd trimester

It is 14 weeks today and the beginning of the 2nd trimester. It is another milestone. Two months ago, babies were simply a cluster of cells. Now they have functioning organs, nerves and muscles. It is a miracle to see how they have developed. One change during the second trimester is that the morning sickness and fatigue should be fading. We really hope that is the case so that "S" could feel more energetic and like her old self again. She texted us the other day and said she could feel babies' movement. She also got a fetal doppler and she could hear babies' heartbeats.                                                                                         Babies will be busy growing so will be belly of "S." We haven't noticed any baby bump on her but probably will very soon.  

Choosing the egg donor

Two women are crucial in the gestational surrogacy - the carrier and the egg donor. Choosing an egg donor is just as important as choosing the carrier because it determines half of the baby's genetic make-up. There are a few options to find an egg donor

• on your own
• from fertility clinic or agency
• from egg banks

Each has pros and cons. The biggest advantage of finding an egg donor on your own could be cost savings and a known donor. Some have their relatives or friends donating their eggs. Disadvantages include adding another legal matter and defining the role of the donor in child's life. One could also find a donor from classifieds.

Donors from fertility clinic and agencies are often anonymous. Some may offer semi-known in which donors knows the recipient/intended parents’ first names and the state in which they live. The donor and recipient/intended parents might exchange emails and photos; however, no specific personal information is provided about the donor or the recipient/intended parents. The major difference between clinic and agency is the pools of donors to choose. Fertility clinics usually have a smaller pool limited to a local area.

Egg banks is another option. The main advantage is that eggs are already retrieved, lower costs and time savings. However, eggs are frozen so fresh embryo transfer won't be an option. Some studies have found frozen eggs are just as good as fresh ones with IVF success rates. Frozen or fresh, the most important part is the quality of the eggs which depends on many factors of the egg donor.

Another issue is proven donor - Proven donors are women that have gone through the egg donation process before and helped a family have a healthy baby. Using a proven donor can be reassuring for intended parents because the donor has already completed the process once before and truly understands what is involved, responded well to the medication and had healthy eggs that contributed to a live birth. Using a proven donor over a first-time donor does not necessarily guarantee success, but it does offer some advantages. Some agencies charge additional fee for a proven donor.

After our research, we weren't sure about a known donor and decided to choose an anonymous donor from the clinic, mainly for convenience. All we needed to do was to review profiles and choose one and the clinic did all the medical and psychological screening plus the legal part. Since we opted for fresh embryo transfer, we had to wait until "S" was medically and psychologically cleared.

Choosing an egg donor was relatively easy for us. We indicated our preferences and were given donor profiles one by one to review. The profile included physical characteristics, donor and her family's medical history, psychological and genetic assessment and personality. It also included photos from childhood.  

Since DH and I don't have any same physical trait, we weren't too concerned about the color of skin, eyes or hair. Our main criteria were health, height and BMI. When we received a profile, we reviewed it separately and gave it an up or down vote. Surprisingly, our votes were all in agreement. It didn't take long until we finally found one which we really liked. To us, choosing the egg donor is probably the least stressful part of surrogacy. It was fun and exciting because it provides some cues to the genetic make-up of our kids.

Below is one hilarious blog post about comparison of straight and same-sex couple trying to have a baby.

Things are more fun for straight people

One of which relates to choosing an egg donor -

"Straight people are stuck with the qualities of their partner. I get to choose between a woman who is getting her PhD and speaks several languages, a woman going to medical school who qualified for the Olympic trials and a woman who has her masters degree in an interesting field and is cool with her eggs going to gay parents."

Hopefully, we have done a good job to give our kids half of the best DNA.

Surrogacy contract

Here is another legal matter - surrogacy contract. It is another tedious process, especially when it involves two attorneys each representing intended parents and surrogate. It is a legal document specifying all terms including

• Parental rights

• Custody

• Location of delivery (important - state laws vary. Some states prohibit surrogacy and the laws apply to where the baby is delivered)

• Health insurance obligations

• Medical decisions during pregnancy: who will make them and how

• Payment of medical bills

• Financial considerations, such as the gestational surrogate's compensation and expenses, including lost wages, legal fees, child care, housekeeping, maternity clothes, and life insurance

• Issues related to early termination and selective reduction

Basically, everything foreseeable is in the contract. Prior to drafting the contract by our attorney, we have discussed most of the important issues and were in agreement. Right before the screening, we started working on the contract. It took about two months to finally get it all signed and notarized. Much of our time spent on going back and forth between attorneys and us. We could have it done in days without the attorneys but do consult an attorney specializing in surrogacy.

Here is the link to the directory from American Academy of Assisted Reproductive Technology and link to sample contract. 

Week 13

You have grown to about 3 inches (8cm) long. Weight approximately 1 ounce (25 grams). Bone is beginning to replace cartilage and the ribs are appearing. The nose and chin are well defined. Movements can be measured. You will begin to learn to suck its thumb and can open and close mouth. Your wee-wee or hoo-ha is almost defined. Soon we will be able to find out if you are a boy or a girl.  

"S" had a dream that one is a boy and the other is a girl.

We don't have a pregnant woman in the house but watching lots of pregnancy videos makes us feel just like that. We are really "enjoying" our pregnancy so far. 

Pre-birth order and birth certificate

Forewarning - This is gonna be a not-so-fun post. Pretty much all legal matters are not.

As we quickly approach second trimester, we have begun to work on the pre-birth order for the babies. As intended parents, a pre-birth order declares to the world that we are the babies' legal parents, despite the fact that neither one of us gives birth to them. The court order also directs the hospital where the babies are born and the appropriate state department of vital records to place the our names on the birth certificate.

A pre-birth order is important for a number of reasons: it gives the intended parents sole access to the child; gives them the right to make medical decisions for the child; resolves issues relating to insurance coverage; allows parents to take their child home from the hospital; and provides piece of mind for the intended parents. Without a birth order (pre or post), intended parents may need to go through adoption to establish legal parentage and adopt their own children.

States differ in their approaches to pre-birth order. It is important to check surrogacy laws and pre-birth order when matching with a surrogate, especially for same-sex couples. Luckily, the state where babies will be delivered permits pre-birth order and the hospital we talked to even has placed two dads' names on the birth certificate. It could potentially save us another step to do second parent adoption after we bring the babies home.

If only one of us (the biological dad's name) is on the birth certificate, we will have to do second parent adoption in which we each adopt the other's biological child after we bring the babies home. Even though we are married, our marriage is not legally recognized in all states. Only court orders could protect our family and be recognized everywhere.

Sounds complicated? Yes. My brain even hurts as I try to write about it. Anyhow...wish us good luck!

If we have two boys....

Thanks to S's two boys. We got to experience what it will be like if we have two boys.

They were practicing football tackles with us this past weekend. Man, it was exhausting but lots of fun. We felt young again!

 

12 weeks

Babies are now the size of lime. Whenever it changes, we laugh and celebrate. We have seen the baby size changed from poppyseed to appleseed, sweet pea, blueberry, raspberry, olive, and prune. Watermelon got to be somewhere, probably close to the due date.

We flew to visit "S" and her family over the weekend and attended the ultrasound on Monday. Every visit was very special to us with new experiences including getting tackled by two little kids on the ground. Not only did we get to spend some time together but also got to see how babies have grown.

On Saturday, they invited us to attend their friend's wedding at a farm. S's husband was there in charge of the BBQ for a few hundred guests. It was a big and lovely wedding. The reception in a barn was very unique unlike many weddings we have attended in the past. We send off the couple with sparklers and took the mugs with our names on them as souvenirs.

Congratulations to the newly wed couple!!

On Sunday, we visited a state park with beautiful waterfalls, went to bowling and had dinner. It was a fun and relaxing day. "S" was such a trooper. She probably would have preferred to lay in bed with her morning sickness but she was with us all the time including hiking and bowling.

Monday was 12-week ultrasound. It was amazing to see how much they have grown and very exciting to see them moving. Baby A was wiggling the entire time and Baby B was the quieter one.  

Hi five - Baby A


Kicking - Baby B


After ultrasound, we toured the hospital where the delivery is planned. Just to think that it is gonna be the place where we will be holding our babies makes the entire process even more real.

As we were on the plane flying back, we recalled the weekend vividly. Almost year ago, we were completely strangers going on our separate lives in places where we don't even know its existence. A year later, we are on a journey with so much being shared. Now, how cool is that? It is almost unbelievable. So dramatic and yet so real. We are so grateful for all "S" and her family for putting up so much with this pregnancy. It hasn't been easy on her.

Next ultrasound will be in five weeks......we may find out the genders. (Honestly, we can't wait to put names on the babies instead of Baby A & B).

More US states to recognize same-sex marriages

The Supreme Court on Monday turned away seven same-sex marriage cases in five states, refusing for now to take up the basic question of whether same-sex couples have a right to marriage. With the decision, it allows the lower court rulings in those five states to stand -- all in favor of marriage equality. That means same-sex couples in Indiana, Wisconsin, Utah, Oklahoma, and Virginia will be able to get married. The decision also leaves in place rulings from the Fourth, Seventh and Tenth Circuits, meaning same-sex marriage will soon be allowed in West Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Kansas, Colorado and Wyoming. Once same-sex marriage is allowed in those states, it will be legal in 30 states and the District of Columbia. What a historical and joyful day!

If we have two girls....

Something to look forward to (minus McDonald's). So much fun!!

What will our kids call us?

One question we often got asked is "what are the kids going to call you guys?" We had discussed this even before our pregnancy what the kids will call us given that it may be confusing when the kids call "daddy" and we both answer. We both will be fathers but it is ideal to distinguish between each of us.

Our decision wasn't difficult. Coming from different cultural backgrounds, our immediate thought was daddy for DH and papa for me.


This short video of two dads building a family makes me teary. It is awesome and we can't wait for babies to be home and to be taught by them all over again.

Week 11

It is 11th week since you were conceived. You are slightly more than two inches long now and weighing about a third of an ounce. You have been pretty busy growing this week. If you are a boy, testes are developing and ovaries if you are a girl. You now have distinct human characteristics: hands and feet in front of your body, ears nearly in the final shape, open nasal passages on the tip of tiny nose, a tongue and palate in the mouth and visible nipples. Your head is currently equal in length to the rest of the body and hair follicles are forming on the crown (as well as over the rest of the body). Your hands and feet have individual fingers and toes (goodbye to those frog like webbed hands and feet). Meanwhile, your fingernail and toenail beds begin to develop this week; by next week, the nails themselves will start to grow. At the same time, your body is straightening and torso is lengthening.

Keep up the good work, guys. Daddy and Papa are eagerly waiting.

It is nobody's business but ours.

Our fertility clinic emailed us today about the last blood test "S" had on Monday. (Yay..one less thing for her to do). Her progesterone and estrogen levels are great after stopping her meds. With that, she is officially discharged from fertility clinic and off to the OB. 

When the congratulatory email came, all of the sudden we felt exhausted and realized that we are finally on our own. There is no more protocol to follow and no more result to update. Now, it is nobody's business but ours - "S"and her family, us and two babies. It is exciting but a little frightening too that we are now on our own. 

We are proud of pulling everything off to this point, given that the clinic had doubt about working with a surrogate on our own at the beginning. Overall, our experiences with the clinic were positive. 

Uterine lining check through cycles

After we passed the medical screening and psychological testing (plus the home study) in February, our clinic had "S" gone through several cycles to check her uterine lining. Our RE (reproductive endocrinologist....here is the link to most surrogacy acronyms) decided first to do mid-cycle lining check on "S" in lieu of mock cycle. Some fertility clinics have them in the protocol. Basically, these lining checks are performed to ensure adequate lining of the uterus where the embryos implant because it is one of the most critical components for IVF.

Mid-cycle check didn't go as expected so the RE ordered a mock cycle with more hormones. Mock cycle is an artificial cycle of hormonal stimulation effect on the lining of the uterus. It is usually performed immediately preceding the one during which embryo transfer is planned. 

These cycles and the final transfer cycle took some time and involved lots of shots, blood tests and ultrasound appointments. "S" started her shot daily in early May until this past Friday (10-week pregnancy). When we first saw all the meds she received, our jaws just dropped. We can't imagine how it was like and what they had gone through. "S" and her husband who helped give her the shot, deserve all the credits. We can't thank them enough. 

Week 10

It is Week 10. You guys haven't been easy on Auntie "S" because she has been feeling very yucky. She took her last progesterone shot yesterday. Your daddy and papa are so glad because she has one less thing to suffer.

You are now nearly an inch and a half long and the size of a prune. You are taking a human shape now. Bones and cartilage are forming and small indentations on the legs are developing into knees and ankles. Your arms can flex already. Although they are taking shape and getting stronger, each one is only about the size of this number 1.

Your tooth bud fairy is making an appearance this week but they won't break through the gums until you are close to six months old. Your other systems are a go, too. Stomach is producing digestive juices, the kidneys are producing large quantities of urine, and if you are a boy, you are already producing testosterone!! 

You and Autie "S" are our gold star. We are counting down the days to hold your little hands.

Here is a song for Autie "S" and you two little ones. 

Thanks for deciding to do this!!

After pregnancy was confirmed, we slowly understand why having babies could instantly change one's live forever. As the pregnancy progresses, we now think of babies, speak and even act like babies, and pay attention to whatever is baby-related (Yeah..baby poop and diapers too).

Pampers has this heartwarming commercial in Japan (click subtitles in English). It's titled "Mom's First birthday," which celebrates a big milestone in a new mom's life - her baby's one-year checkup. All these moms have just spent the past year sacrificing sleep and sanity, dealing with uncertainties and fears, and when they walk out of that milestone doctor appointment, well....I don't want to spoil it for you so click to watch the video.  

Oh wait, did we say that we are looking forward to what these moms have gone through in their first year with the newborn? Thanks for deciding to do this, hubby! And "S," thanks for the most trying year of your life.

Are we too old to be parents?

We were asked often why we decided to have kids, especially after all these years of "freedom" to be ourselves and to travel as much as we could. As much as we have enjoyed our life and are happy with what we've got now, we felt something was missing - a family. We were married in 2011 and marriage is a strange thing because it naturally settles you to the idea of family. Time is not on our side because we are not getting any younger. We thought about our ages and wondered if raising kids would be an issue later on. One thing we both agreed - it is either now to have babies or never. We read this article on another blog about older parenting. It does explain some of our reasons very well. Age is relative and we are only as old as we make ourselves. We are so looking forward to the days of staying young and experiencing the world all over again with our kids.

Older Parenting: A Modern Day Fountain of Youth

Is Older Parenting Worth It? YES!

Published on February 20, 2011 by Dr. Kevin D. Arnold, Ph.D., ABPP in The Older Dad

Fathering in Your 50s: Is There a Difference?
My first psychology professor was Dr. Dick Bruce. He told a marvelous story about his family during Psych 100: When home for the holidays, one of his siblings complained that earning a Ph.D. seemed an impossible goal. The degree would take so long. Dr. Bruce's reply was "In 4 years you'll be the same age whether you go to school or not." Fathering in your 50s is much like Dr. Bruce's thinking. If being older is the only reason we decide against having children, then we have allowed ourselves to be enslaved to age. Certainly anyone should consider factors like health, energy levels, or financial capacity when making the choice to have children. We can decide to have, or not to have, children in our 40s or 50s, but we will end up the same age, in 18 years, either way. When we magnify the negative meaning of age, we don't balance the benefits of having children at an older age. Once we place age into its proper perspective, we can see that there are many reasons to become an "older" father.

Staying Young
Fathers, like everyone, create beliefs about the meaning of age. How we define age then affects other parts of our lives: athletics, diet, vacationing.  My young children demand that I stay young. They want to play on the floor, run in the back yard, eat ice cream, and go on family vacations. I find that having young children keeps my perspective young, and my daily life more energetic. I have a youthful perspective, and my life shows it.

Feeling Connected
As we grow older, experiences can reduce our feelings of attachment. Deaths, and other losses, push older men away from the vulnerability of deep connection. But, children express their love and affection so freely, so that avoiding a bond with them is impossible. I am not closed-off in other relationships, because my children keep me open to connection every day.

Enjoying Life
The older we get, the more life feels like a grind. We ask ourselves, "Is there anything thing new or exciting in the world?"  Young children feel joy and are excited about just-about everything. They see fun in the mundane as boxes become forts. If we let them, they will take us along for the "joy" ride. Fathering in my 50s gave me back life's fun. My children make well-worn activities feel exhilarating again.

Learning Fearlessly             
All adults know the pain of embarrassing themselves while trying to learn something, but not doing so well. When men hit middle age, we discover how our bodies and minds have begun to falter (even when we try something well known). But, children approach learning new things (sports, reading, games, etc.) without fear. For example, my son is learning to read-and mastering a new word puts joy on his face, with no signs of worry. My son and daughter show me daily that I have nothing to fear if I try something new. I took up golf, as a serious pastime, last year.  And, I have fun learning to play. I thank my children for the courage to learn the game..... to enjoy the pars and the double-bogies.

A Final Word from an Older Dad
Yes, there are plenty of reasons to become a father in your 40s or 50s: Youthfulness, Connection, Joy, and Fearlessness are but a few. Parenting has challenges in your 50s, just like it would at any age.  But older parenting can reset the aging clock. You live a younger life, and your children benefit from your years of wisdom. Older fathering might not be a fountain of youth, but it will add years of happiness to your life.

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